The Da Vinci Cheese and Whine

May 20th, 2006

The Cheese

Yea, I saw the movie directed by Ron Howard today, one of the movies I was most looking forward to. Why? I loved the book, and I generally like Ron Howard films (such as Apollo 13.)

In the end, I'm disappointed. I was shocked when Rotten Tomatoes gave the movie a shitty rating, but the shock has pretty much worn off by now.

In essense, I attended a 2 and a half-hour lecture on Brown's book, accompanied with quasi-action-packed moments that did not occur in the book.

What pissed me off the most was this: in the book, Brown simply described the Priory of Sion as a 2000-year-old organization. It was revealed on the Discovery Channel later that while, yes, there was a Priory of Sion, they didn't exist until the 1950s, and did not insist they had relations to Christ. That was brought up in the movie in the following way:

LANGDON: Wait, I thought the Priory was exposed a something that didn't exist till 1956.
TEABING: That's what they wanted you to think.
LANGDON: orly lol

Gimme the script, Ronnie; I could think of a much better cop-out.

Oh yea, then there's Tom Hanks. I lamented when I heard he got the lead role. While I admire the man's skills as an actor, I just didn't see him as a Langdon. I felt the same way seeing Hanks in action. Here's a suggestion: if someone plans on turning Angels and Demons into a film (which has happened, and will be released 2008,) strand Hanks on a desert island with a box of chocolates and a Philly cheese steak until the casting's done (which hasn't happened.)

The Whine

After I was done with the movie, I saw a group of picketers. There were four of them outside the theater, holding signs saying "Dan Brown LIES" and "Fiction from Hell." Meanwhile, I'm thinking, "Umm, no shit Brown lies. That's kinda what you do everytime you publish fiction novels."

Then I thought, "Wow. Houston's dotted with at least a hundred adult studios and porno stores, and their priority is a Cinemark. Can you say suckers for the hype?"

I wanted to yell that at them, but I lost all motor skills in my vocal cords from the boredom and just flipped them off. Now that I think of it, I think the finger was an innappropriate and rash reaction. It implies that I want them to risk reproducing.

Seems strangely familiar. Oh wait...

The book: Three outa five stars
The movie: One outa five stars
The protestors: Zippo

And a funny movie.

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