My printer blows.

June 16th, 2007

The other day, I tried to print out a full-sized picture of The Mona Lisa for my Web Design class. This is how it came out:

© 1502 Leonardo "The Code" Da Vinci. Do not steal.

See that white line partway down the picture? Unacceptable. I ended up getting a failing grade for the day, and everywhere I walked, squirrels fell out of their trees dead. All because of my shitty Epson Stylus.

Today, I finished a ground-breaking paper on how to achieve temporal pockets through superconductivity. I wanted to email the Nobel Prize Committee, but their server was down, so they could only take mail via carrier pigeon.

That meant I'd have to print out the paper. This is what resulted:

"Okay," I thought. "Maybe I can still get the Nobel Prize for literature. They all pay the same, anyway."

So, I went ahead and printed out a carrier pigeon. Again, it didn't come out right.

I made the best of it, anyway. I tied my paper to it and threw it out of a second story window, but the poor guy got exhausted after maybe fifty feet.

The Moral of the Story: don't buy a crappy printer. It'll ruin all your chances at fame and pour sand in your drink when you're not looking.

_{ENDNOTE: True story.}

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