Things I learned in Mexico

December 20th, 2006

I'm back from my trip to Mexico, and boy, did I learn a lot there! Here's a few things a lot of people don't know yet:

• The official language of Mexico is Mexican.

• Cozumel is an island. Viewed from an airplane, it looks like an island.

  

• There is no Hard Rock Cafe in Progreso, but I am the proud owner of a Hard Rock Cafe T-shirt bearing the town's name (I'm NOT making this up.)

• Ancient Mayans are generally okay with people desecrating their Moon Temple. No ancient Mayans have complained yet.

  

• The Mayan ceremonial garb may look roomy, but the clothes prevent you from really moving. The structure's not really heavy or restricting, but you won't be able to walk two steps without everyone and their grandma wanting to take a picture with you.

• Same goes for mariachi suits.

• Yucatan state law requires that all souvenir shops stock the following shirt:

  

• The Progeso Flamingo Sactuary: there tacky lawn ornaments are grown.

• While in Cozumel, I counted seven cruise ships docked in the same port. For some reason, this reminded me of the throngs of zombies in Dawn of the Dead.

  

• Exchange rates between USD and peso are as follows:

  1. If something is listed in dollars, and you want to pay in pesos, it's roughly 11 pesos to the dollar.

  2. If something is listed in pesos, and you want to pay in dollars, it's roughly 10 pesos to the dollar.

  3. If something is listed in listed in dollars, and you want to pay in pesos, and you agree with how the retailer feels about Vincente Fox, it's 5 pesos to the dollar.

• How to haggle:

  1. Never show interest, unless you REALLY mean it. Even then, don't.

  2. Learn to stare. Generally, the longer you stare critically at a certain souvenir you want, the faster the price magically drops "just for you."

  3. Discuss politics. Remember, this only works if you agree with the store owner. He will be grateful that he FINALLY gets to talk to an intelligent tourist. Try it!

• The official animal of the state of Yucatan is the overweight old white guy. They follow distinct migratory patterns between Florida and Cozumel, and are noted for their excrement, which is green and very papery. Unfortunately, I don't have pictures, because they get aggressive and demand excrement from you when a camera's pointed at them.

• Don't drink the water in Mexico. The beer tastes better.

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